Because I love you (save mothers)

By Adekunle Ridwan

Right from walking through the aisle, to holding hands on the altar, I said the words, I do. Though I never knew the words I uttered could signal doom.

Because I love you, I have to swallow the battered words, still satisfy your hunger and sexual urge, smile at the kids and hide the hurts. Momma shouldn’t be seen in tears, but you said, who cares!!!

Because I love you, I have to sleep with the moon and wake up with the stars. Wipe the teary eyes and cloth my heart – scars.

Because I love you, even when the society said, leave this abusive marriage, I said even though the marital bliss I wanted is mirage, still I’ll embrace the vow of for better for worst. I really can condole the wrath.

Because I love you, I never call the force even when you always hit me with fist – force, neither do I file a divorce, I thought about the kids, they need a parental string. I hold on. I really do. Till I couldn’t anymore.

I realized I’m human. I thought I could fight and still show I love you. I thought my love could change the demon in you. I thought I could stay and watch over my kids in your home.

I really thought, until I couldn’t survive last night’s punches. I collapse. The last.

I gave it all up.

I still love you even though I couldn’t say it anymore, I still love even though the kids would see me no more. I still love you though my soul now dwells up. 

Tell the kids momma fought for love but that wasn’t enough.

© Adekunle Ridwan

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